Hawaii has finally come to Maryland.
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A Picture a Day
Follow the ups and downs in the hectic, crazy life of one American woman living with three British boys and a dog.
Random Funnies
April 6
We went out to eat the other day. We ordered the kids fruit punch, and they all started chugging it except for Alex. Instead, he sat there with a very tearful look on his face.
When I asked him what the problem was, he said, "Mommy, I don't want anyone to punch me. It will hurt."
March 31
Alex calls the 'frisbee' a 'throws-be'. Now doesn't that make so much more sense?!
March 11
We always knew our lady neighbor was a bit strange. But Peter was extra surprised to see the man neighbor walking their cat around their backyard on a leash.
Peter's comment? "I'm starting to think he's weirder than she is, walking his pussy around like that."
March 1
I walked into my bedroom to find Alex dangling my bra off the bed and Sam wriggling around on the ground.
When I asked what he was doing, Alex said, "Fishing, Mommy."
February 21
Today Sam came up to me and said, "Mommy, I wish you were British. Then I'd be able to understand everything you said."
Um? Wot? Come again?
February 19
Samoas are the all-time best Girl Scout Cookie. If you don't know them, they are chocolatey-caramelly and covered in a toasted coconut crunch.
Alex and I were just wolfing them down when he suddenly stopped and looked at me. "Mommy?" he asked in a very concerned voice. "Are these fingernails on top?"
February 13
Today, the little guy said, "Mommy, when I'm all done being Alex, can I be a teacher?"
February 5
It's been a very cold winter, but tomorrow is supposed to be gorgeous. So, I called my parents to invite them over for a walk without realizing that their friend's mother had just died. They are planning to sit shiva and had to decline my offer.
When I told Peter that they couldn't come, his response was, "But they sat shiv'ring all winter! Why not enjoy the weather?"
February 1
Earlier today, the boys were watching TV quietly together. Out of nowhere, I heard the little guy's sweet baby sing-song voice say, "F$ck you, Sammy."
The shock! The horror! I hope his teachers haven't heard that one. But it certainly wouldn't be the first time I had to hide my head in shame. LOL.
January 25
At our Burns night supper, Sam tasted the haggis. We wanted him to name the animal parts that he had just eaten, and as a hint Peter cleverly asked, "What part of the body makes the pee?"
Sam thought for a second and said, "The balls."
Luckily, we had a doctor present who quickly corrected Peter's misconception and pointed out that the liver filters the blood, not the pee. LOL
November 25
I caught my 2-year-old with his hands down his pants. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was "touching his meatballs."
October 16
My 2-year old was looking at Kelly Ripa's body on the front cover of Shape magazine today, and shouted out, "Mommy, she have BUTT!" What the hell does that mean?
October 2
Without going into too much humiliating detail, Peter has decided to dress up as a woman for an upcoming Halloween party.
When he appeared from my closet wearing my gorgeous orange and black woolen skirt and sweater, my two-year-old took one look at him and stated matter-of-factly: "Daddy, you look like a fancy giraffe."
I burst out laughing, but then quickly stopped to admire Peter's ass. How can he look better in my skirt than I do?!
September 13
We were having cocktails yesterday, and so we made orange juice and fizzy water for the boys as their 'cocktails'. Well, this morning, my sweet little boy looked at me and said very innocently, "I'd like a big cock, please.'
September 8
A few weeks ago, we brought Henley with us to the playground. An older man approached us who wanted to learn more about our dog, and who was clearly knowledgeable about Foxhounds.
This man introduced himself as "Hap" and proceeded to tell us that he was a member of the Potomac Hunt here in Maryland. [the hunt in the US is prohibited from killing the fox, although I can't imagine how they enforce that].
Anyway, he and Peter hit it off. Peter's dream has always been to ride horses - suddenly, here was this man offering to let Peter ride anytime!
Fast forward a few weeks. Peter called Hap to set up a time to ride. His wife answered the phone and shouted out to Hap, "Hap! Your friend from the playground is on the phone!"
I could just imagine the two grown playground friends swinging on the swings and racing down the slides.
July 18
We recently had to write a $5,000 check as a deposit on our new house, and planned to write it against our home equity line of credit. This account is never used, and so we couldn't locate the checkbook.
We did have a sheet of emergency checks to hand, though, so we used one of those. No problem! Imagine our surprise when we got a call from the settlement company that the check had bounced.
We were immediately on the phone to the bank. It was obvious that we had sufficient funds in the account. But why wasn't the bounced check showing up in our account? Why was there no record of it at all? We were completely baffled.
Suddenly, Peter had the bright idea to check the account number on the sheet of checks to make sure they hadn't been misprinted. Low and behold, the answer because painfully obvious.
I'm embarrased to write this, but truth must be told. The check we wrote was from a piece of junk mail that the bank had sent us to coerce us into applying for a credit card. It was dated 2007. So in fact, we wrote a bogus check from an account that never existed.
June 27
We recently spent some time at the lake with friends. My friend pointed across the water and said to my 2-year-old, "Look! I see a boat!"
To which my son proudly replied, "Look! I see a hippo!"
Confused, we followed his gaze across the water and burst out laughing. Indeed it WAS a hippo! There was a very obese person bending down in an unfortunate position, rear end sticking way out towards the water. Priceless.
June 24
We rode bikes downtown today, and as we crossed Memorial Bridge, Sam suddenly shouted, "There's the Lincoln Log memorial!"
June 23
We get an awful lot of very annoying calls from people wanting to sell us stuff. So when the phone rang tonight, I was surprised that Peter picked it up on the first ring.
I watched as he listened attentively to the caller. Then he said with a straight face and very posh English accent, "I'm very sorry but now is not a good time. I have to change my wife's diaper - she made a right mess of herself. Thank you for calling. Good-bye."
June 19
Today, my 2-year-old son stroked my leg and said, "Nice pants, Mommy."
June 18
Just got a hilarious call from Peter, who had gone out fishing alone this evening to a beautiful spot on a very quiet lake nearby.
Apparently, a policewoman had suddenly appeared out of nowhere and demanded that he, "clear the dock immediately because a prisoner was coming." When Peter asked for more information, he was told that the man "was wanted."
Peter watched in astonishment as a boat carrying a handcuffed man glided through the darkness to the dock, where he was silently escorted to a cop car.
Who was this guy? And where was his boat? And why the hell was he hanging out ON A LAKE?! Now that's not something you see everyday! LOL.
We went out to eat the other day. We ordered the kids fruit punch, and they all started chugging it except for Alex. Instead, he sat there with a very tearful look on his face.
When I asked him what the problem was, he said, "Mommy, I don't want anyone to punch me. It will hurt."
March 31
Alex calls the 'frisbee' a 'throws-be'. Now doesn't that make so much more sense?!
March 11
We always knew our lady neighbor was a bit strange. But Peter was extra surprised to see the man neighbor walking their cat around their backyard on a leash.
Peter's comment? "I'm starting to think he's weirder than she is, walking his pussy around like that."
March 1
I walked into my bedroom to find Alex dangling my bra off the bed and Sam wriggling around on the ground.
When I asked what he was doing, Alex said, "Fishing, Mommy."
February 21
Today Sam came up to me and said, "Mommy, I wish you were British. Then I'd be able to understand everything you said."
Um? Wot? Come again?
February 19
Samoas are the all-time best Girl Scout Cookie. If you don't know them, they are chocolatey-caramelly and covered in a toasted coconut crunch.
Alex and I were just wolfing them down when he suddenly stopped and looked at me. "Mommy?" he asked in a very concerned voice. "Are these fingernails on top?"
February 13
Today, the little guy said, "Mommy, when I'm all done being Alex, can I be a teacher?"
February 5
It's been a very cold winter, but tomorrow is supposed to be gorgeous. So, I called my parents to invite them over for a walk without realizing that their friend's mother had just died. They are planning to sit shiva and had to decline my offer.
When I told Peter that they couldn't come, his response was, "But they sat shiv'ring all winter! Why not enjoy the weather?"
February 1
Earlier today, the boys were watching TV quietly together. Out of nowhere, I heard the little guy's sweet baby sing-song voice say, "F$ck you, Sammy."
The shock! The horror! I hope his teachers haven't heard that one. But it certainly wouldn't be the first time I had to hide my head in shame. LOL.
January 25
At our Burns night supper, Sam tasted the haggis. We wanted him to name the animal parts that he had just eaten, and as a hint Peter cleverly asked, "What part of the body makes the pee?"
Sam thought for a second and said, "The balls."
Luckily, we had a doctor present who quickly corrected Peter's misconception and pointed out that the liver filters the blood, not the pee. LOL
November 25
I caught my 2-year-old with his hands down his pants. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was "touching his meatballs."
October 16
My 2-year old was looking at Kelly Ripa's body on the front cover of Shape magazine today, and shouted out, "Mommy, she have BUTT!" What the hell does that mean?
October 2
Without going into too much humiliating detail, Peter has decided to dress up as a woman for an upcoming Halloween party.
When he appeared from my closet wearing my gorgeous orange and black woolen skirt and sweater, my two-year-old took one look at him and stated matter-of-factly: "Daddy, you look like a fancy giraffe."
I burst out laughing, but then quickly stopped to admire Peter's ass. How can he look better in my skirt than I do?!
September 13
We were having cocktails yesterday, and so we made orange juice and fizzy water for the boys as their 'cocktails'. Well, this morning, my sweet little boy looked at me and said very innocently, "I'd like a big cock, please.'
September 8
A few weeks ago, we brought Henley with us to the playground. An older man approached us who wanted to learn more about our dog, and who was clearly knowledgeable about Foxhounds.
This man introduced himself as "Hap" and proceeded to tell us that he was a member of the Potomac Hunt here in Maryland. [the hunt in the US is prohibited from killing the fox, although I can't imagine how they enforce that].
Anyway, he and Peter hit it off. Peter's dream has always been to ride horses - suddenly, here was this man offering to let Peter ride anytime!
Fast forward a few weeks. Peter called Hap to set up a time to ride. His wife answered the phone and shouted out to Hap, "Hap! Your friend from the playground is on the phone!"
I could just imagine the two grown playground friends swinging on the swings and racing down the slides.
July 18
We recently had to write a $5,000 check as a deposit on our new house, and planned to write it against our home equity line of credit. This account is never used, and so we couldn't locate the checkbook.
We did have a sheet of emergency checks to hand, though, so we used one of those. No problem! Imagine our surprise when we got a call from the settlement company that the check had bounced.
We were immediately on the phone to the bank. It was obvious that we had sufficient funds in the account. But why wasn't the bounced check showing up in our account? Why was there no record of it at all? We were completely baffled.
Suddenly, Peter had the bright idea to check the account number on the sheet of checks to make sure they hadn't been misprinted. Low and behold, the answer because painfully obvious.
I'm embarrased to write this, but truth must be told. The check we wrote was from a piece of junk mail that the bank had sent us to coerce us into applying for a credit card. It was dated 2007. So in fact, we wrote a bogus check from an account that never existed.
June 27
We recently spent some time at the lake with friends. My friend pointed across the water and said to my 2-year-old, "Look! I see a boat!"
To which my son proudly replied, "Look! I see a hippo!"
Confused, we followed his gaze across the water and burst out laughing. Indeed it WAS a hippo! There was a very obese person bending down in an unfortunate position, rear end sticking way out towards the water. Priceless.
June 24
We rode bikes downtown today, and as we crossed Memorial Bridge, Sam suddenly shouted, "There's the Lincoln Log memorial!"
June 23
We get an awful lot of very annoying calls from people wanting to sell us stuff. So when the phone rang tonight, I was surprised that Peter picked it up on the first ring.
I watched as he listened attentively to the caller. Then he said with a straight face and very posh English accent, "I'm very sorry but now is not a good time. I have to change my wife's diaper - she made a right mess of herself. Thank you for calling. Good-bye."
June 19
Today, my 2-year-old son stroked my leg and said, "Nice pants, Mommy."
June 18
Just got a hilarious call from Peter, who had gone out fishing alone this evening to a beautiful spot on a very quiet lake nearby.
Apparently, a policewoman had suddenly appeared out of nowhere and demanded that he, "clear the dock immediately because a prisoner was coming." When Peter asked for more information, he was told that the man "was wanted."
Peter watched in astonishment as a boat carrying a handcuffed man glided through the darkness to the dock, where he was silently escorted to a cop car.
Who was this guy? And where was his boat? And why the hell was he hanging out ON A LAKE?! Now that's not something you see everyday! LOL.
About Me
- sevans
- This blog is my attempt to slow down life a bit and focus more on the world around me. I'd like to capture a snapshot of my life every day for the next year, as proof that it actually existed!
Regular reader
9 comments:
Laughed until I cried... seriously. It is as if she was photoshoped in. lol
I think we need more explanation for this one!! Is she your neighbor?
Yes, this one was hilarious!
She is indeed my neighbor and she is standing on a salt pit playing her ukulele. In the spirit of kindness, I won't divulge any further details. LOL.
I came back to see if there were any more comments... had another good laugh. :)
W.T.F. That is the funniest picture I have seen in a LONG time!!!
OMG I love this photo! REALLY a good laugh right before bed. It can't get much better than that. :)
HILARIOUS!!! I did a double take as well to see if she was superimposed into the photo.
I showed this picture to my husband last night and he also laughed really hard! It is truly a picture of two halves. :)
WTF??!
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